


Kate Bishop: Pothole Vigilante

by hold_on_a_sex



Category: Young Avengers
Genre: Humor, Multi, asian kate bishop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-06
Updated: 2016-05-06
Packaged: 2018-06-06 18:31:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6765112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hold_on_a_sex/pseuds/hold_on_a_sex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kate Bishop is taking a stand against potholes and America doesn't approve. Yes, it involves spray painting penises around town, but it's for a good cause.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kate Bishop: Pothole Vigilante

**Author's Note:**

> There is a guy in Manchester who spray paints penises around potholes so that the city will fill them in, and he became my hero. I realized Kate Bishop would so take this stand.
> 
> Though it doesn't come up, Clint is deaf in this. Deaf author = deaf pride!
> 
> If you think this story should have other tags, let me know.

“Tommy,” Kate said dramatically as she walked into the room where the white-haired boy sat on the couch, jiggling his foot so fast that it was a blur. “I’ve found our next mission.”

With a raised eyebrow, Tommy just looked at her expectantly.

“I read about this guy in England,” Kate explained, sitting down on the couch with her friend. “Whenever the city takes too long to fill in a pothole, he spray paints a penis around it and then the city fills it in to cover the penis.”

Tommy began to grin. “You’re a genius,” he said, standing up. “Where’s the nearest pothole? I’ll get the spray paint.”

“Don’t steal it!” Kate yelled, but she couldn’t tell if Tommy was gone too soon to catch it. Even if he had heard it, she was pretty sure he wouldn’t have listened to her anyway.

* * *

“Kate,” America said flatly. “This is illegal. You can’t post photos of you defacing public property.”

“I’m saving the world!”

“With penises,” America said with a sigh. “I hate potholes too, but you’re spray painting penises on the street.”

The archer grinned widely. “I know. It’s awesome, right? The city wants to cover them up, so they actually fill in the potholes. America, this is keeping drivers safe. Drivers who might have innocent children in the car!”

“That’s the angle you’re going for?” America asked, rolling her eyes. “Can someone back me up on this?”

“Kate, I’m pretty sure it doesn’t count for doing the it for the children if you’re doing graffiti penises everywhere,” Teddy said, stepping a little forward. “That’s inappropriate for kids.”

“Human anatomy shouldn’t be considered inappropriate,” Kate argued. “Our society tries to make our bodies shameful, and that’s ridiculous. Anyway, it’s not like they’re erect or anything.”

"All graffiti penises are erect!"

America resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of her nose like an old person. “I can’t believe we’re having this conversation.” She shook her head. “Look, I know I can’t stop you, but please don’t post the pictures online. People need to take us seriously.”

“But--”

“Chica, if I see another selfie of you with dick graffiti, I’m going to tell Sam,” the leader threatened.

* * *

“Come on, you have to admit it’s funny,” Billy wheedled, sitting close to Teddy and rubbing their shoulders together, a tried and true method to get the other man to agree with him. “She’s painting penises all over town. To fix potholes. She’s like a penis Batman.”

“That’s not something to be proud of,” Teddy argued. “There’s a reason he’s Batman and not penis Batman.”

America rolled his eyes. “Fucking nerds,” she muttered. “We’re trying to get people to see us as a real team, not the twenty-year-olds with no business being heroes that people think we are. They aren’t going to think that if the internet has selfies of the pretty Hawkeye with penises.”

Teddy and Billy grinned at the same time. “The pretty one?” Billy asked. “You think she’s pretty!” he sing-songed, dancing a little.

“I said the pretty _Hawkeye_ ,” America said defensively. “Her competition is Clint Barton.”

“You went out of your way to say the pretty Hawkeye,” Teddy pointed out. “We know which Hawkeye you’re talking about. Clint isn’t posting pictures of himself with penises.”

America snorted. “He probably doesn’t know what a selfie is,” she said, trying to take the attention off of calling Kate pretty.

“He’s friends with Kate. He knows what a selfie is,” Billy said. “You can’t be friends with Kate Bishop without finding out what a selfie is. She’s basically a millennial hero who kicks ass and takes a million selfies. She’s the poster child of our generation and I love her.”

“Sounds like America does too,” Teddy teased.

“So, what, you’re allowed to love our teammate but I’m not?”

“We’re gay men,” Teddy said. “You’re a gay woman. Which, like, obviously doesn’t mean you’re into her, but this is one of those ‘the lady doth protest too much’ situations.”

Billy nodded sagely. “Teddy’s right.”

“You both suck.”

* * *

“America’s going to kill you when she finds out you’re a part of this,” Billy told his twin. “The only reason she isn’t killing Kate is because she has a giant crush on her.”

Tommy rolled his eyes. “She’s not going to find out. I can run away from the scene before anyone can see me.”

“Not the point.”

“Why are you judging me? Aren’t you, like, into this stuff?”

The brunet stared. “Seriously?”

Tommy shrugged. “What? You are.”

“Being into guys doesn’t mean I’m really into penis graffiti.”

“Fine. But you still think it’s funny.”

Billy couldn’t hold back a smile. “Yeah,” he admitted. “Teddy’s being all mature about it, but I’m pretty sure that’s an act.”

“Whatever, America’s just jealous that Kate and I are saving the world.”

“I don’t think she sees it like that.”

“Well, she should. Maybe we should make Kate team leader.” Tommy paused for a second, which was a long time for him to be silent. “I’d say we should make the most powerful one of us the leader, but you’re too busy kissing your fiance and having identity crises to be an effective leader.”

Billy sighed. “I don’t want to lead the team. Have you met us? We’re awful.”

“You guys are,” Tommy corrected. “Kate and I are saving the world.”

* * *

“Kate, this is an intervention,” America said seriously, forcing herself not to crack her sober expression. “I’ve brought people who love you together to help you.”

“Why are we intervening?” Clint asked. “I just came because you said my protege needed help. And you promised coffee.”

Teddy took over. “Kate has been spray painting penises around town and won’t stop.”

With a snort, Clint lifted up his hand for a high-five, which Kate supplied gladly. “I always knew she would go on to do great things.”

“You’re supposed to be the mature adult in this situation!” America protested.

“Seriously?” Kate asked. “Adult, yes, mature, no. I’m not sure he even really counts as an adult.”

“I own an apartment building,” Clint reminded her. “Only adults do that.”

America groaned. “I’m going to throw all of you into another dimension,” she threatened. “I wasn’t kidding when I said I’d tell Sam,” she told Kate. “You really want Captain America to give you a lecture about penis graffiti?”

“Hell yes,” Kate replied enthusiastically. “That sounds amazing. Do you think you could get all of the Avengers in on it? At least, like, three of them would love it.” When America opened her mouth, Kate cut her off. “You can’t tell me that Spider-man, Ms. Marvel, and Tony wouldn’t think it’s hilarious. Tony would probably try to join in.”

Teddy once again tried to regain control of the conversation. “It isn’t about who would find it funny, Kate. It’s about what’s appropriate and what isn’t. You’re posting pictures of it. We can’t have this associated with our team.”

“That’s is why secret identities exist,” Billy said, finally unable to hold back his thoughts.

“For spray painting penises,” Teddy asked flatly.

“Well, for good deeds without worrying that people will retaliate.”

“This isn’t a good deed!” America argued. “This is actually a bad deed. This is defacing public property. With penises. Children see them!”

Kate rolled her eyes. “I’ve already told you that I think society shames bodies too much. Kids shouldn’t be sheltered from penises and vaginas. They’re natural.”

“You have to admit that there aren’t as many potholes,” Clint added. “It’s great.”

“I’m going to kill you all,” America muttered.

* * *

“She’s the one doing that? I’m going to nominate her for the Nobel Peace Prize,” Tony said, his face lighting up.

Sam looked conflicted. “I don’t agree with her methods, but the streets are safer now. Potholes cause a lot of problems.”

“Am I literally the only one worried about this?” America asked incredulously. “There is a superhero who is going around doing graffiti penises and posting selfies with them, and you guys think it’s fine?”

“Come on,” Tony said. “You knew I would think it’s fine.”

America conceded that point. “You should be better,” she told Sam. “You’re Captain America.”

“I’ll call the other Caps and we can discuss it,” Sam offered. “Steve would act like he doesn’t approve, but he’d probably think it’s funny, and Bucky wouldn’t care.”

“How are you guys allowed to lead national superhero teams?” America said under her breath, and Sam and Tony just traded smirks.

* * *

“America, I think you should give up,” Billy said gently a few weeks later. “Kate isn’t going to stop, and nobody else disapproves.” Teddy had broken a few days previously, snorting when Kate showed off a picture of her latest graffiti, and had finally admitted that he thought it was hilarious. “If Captain America doesn’t care, I don’t think you can win this.”

“Black Panther doesn’t like it either.”

Billy shook his head. “Not saying anything about it doesn’t mean he disapproves,” he pointed out. “I’m pretty sure the king of Wakanda doesn’t really care about graffiti in New York. He’s busy running the most advanced country on the planet.”

“But--”

“Just give up,” Billy advised. “Give up and take her dinner. I’m starting to think you’re just harping on this to keep her attention. You talk to her all the time right now. And text her. She’s laughing with you every day. Come on. You love it.”

“Shut up,” America muttered, but Billy just grinned and snatched her phone. “Don’t you dare…”

The phone glowed blue as the man used his powers, making America twitch in annoyance. “Oh, look,” he said cheerfully. “You just texted Kate to see if you want to have dinner. ‘Kinda like a date’ were your exact words.”

America grabbed her phone back. “You suck,” she growled. “I’m going to tell Teddy.” Billy didn’t look worried. “And Wanda.”

“She doesn’t really do mom stuff,” Billy said breezily. “And my mom would probably be excited I’m helping with your love life.”

“Why does everyone around here suck?”

* * *

“So you want to go on a date with me,” Kate said simply as she walked into one of the tower’s many living rooms and found America alone, sitting on a couch and reading.

“Uh,” America said, panicking internally. “Well, see, here’s the thing…”

“I like Thai,” Kate said cheerfully. “No Chinese. If you assume I want Chinese because I'm Asian-American, this date is never going to happen.”

America froze, trying to think of a response. “Well, I don’t eat tacos every day, so I get that. Um…”

“Great. Thai tonight. We can get bubble tea after. It’s gonna be the best. Want to draw some penises afterwards?”

After a short pause, America replied, “I’ll keep lookout.”

**Author's Note:**

> my hard drive crashed and I lost all of my work, and I needed a break for fun stuff before I start the agonizing task of redoing multiple chapters for my WIPs. Hope you like this!


End file.
